Bid farewell to sudden exits, that uncomfortable back-and-forth of wondering whether to stay or go, and lingering nervously (and obviously) by the doorway.

There’s a craft to saying goodbye to your host, even if you’re leaving sooner than planned—and experts note this is a skill useful for any event, no matter the season.

Here’s precisely what you should say to pull off a perfect goodbye.

A fail-safe formula

Researchers refer to the act of ending an interaction as “leave-taking behavior,” which includes all the verbal and nonverbal cues you use to signal you’re saying goodbye. Amy Arias, a senior lecturer in communication studies at the University of Nevada, Reno, who focuses on interpersonal communication, explains there are two key parts to any successful exit.

The first is an exit line—also called a departure statement. These are a couple of short, direct phrases that clearly indicate you’re leaving: “Heading out!” Or: “Time to go!”

“It’s crucial not to over-explain,” Arias states. “Avoid qualifiers or hedging phrases like ‘Maybe it’s time to leave’ or ‘I should probably head out,’ because those invite pushback—like ‘Wait, so-and-so’s about to give a toast!’ or ‘We haven’t brought out the cake yet!’” There’s no need to give a reason for leaving, such as mentioning you have to pick up your kid from the babysitter. If you do, you’re giving them a chance to persuade you to stay. (“Just pay your sitter a little more—they’ll appreciate it!”) Before you know it, 45 minutes have passed and…you’re still stuck there.

The second component of leave-taking is expressing thanks to your host, which requires another simple, concise pair of words. Arias often uses: “Fantastic party!” Or: “Such a fun time!”

While you could swap the order of your exit line and gratitude, Arias finds ending with appreciation is especially smooth. “This helps shift the focus from my departure to the host: ‘You did an incredible job, and this was so enjoyable,’” she says. “Putting it that way closes the conversation about me leaving.”

As you say goodbye—like “Slipping out! Wonderful get-together!”—Arias advises paying attention to your nonverbal signals too. Smile, nod, and maybe raise your hands to show there’s nothing you can do; it’s just time to go, she suggests. These actions “let us emphasize and support our words to really drive home that message.”

If you’d like to inject some humor…

Richie Frieman, an etiquette and manners expert, enjoys adding a bit more personality to his exits—and humor is his go-to method. Some of his favorite lines include: “I’ll be answering for this party during my 8 a.m. workout tomorrow” and “I’m leaving before I hit the buffet for round five.”

“Humor eases the awkwardness a little,” he says. “It’s also a compliment: ‘I ate so much, loved the cake, that crab dip was amazing.’ When people host an event or party, they want to know their guests had a good time.”

Frieman has also found this quip works well: “As my grandfather always said, ‘If you yawn, you’re out.’”

“It’s a funny way to say, ‘Look, I’m exhausted,’” he explains. “It’s a playful way to get the host to smile before you leave.”

Is it ever acceptable to leave without saying goodbye?

Communication and etiquette experts once thought sneaking out without saying goodbye was impolite. But attitudes are changing. These days, Arias notes, some people even put up signs at their wedding receptions allowing guests to leave whenever and however they want. A sign might read: “When you’re ready to go, feel free to leave. The bride and groom are enjoying their party and are grateful you’re here.” This feels freeing, she adds, because guests don’t have to worry about finding the newlyweds and “disrupting the flow” of the event.

“There’s no one-size-fits-all answer” to whether an unannounced quick exit is okay, “but the trend is moving toward ‘Yes, it’s fine, and sometimes it’s very appropriate,’” Arias says. If you decide to slip away quietly, though, you should always send a follow-up message—like a text, or an email for a professional event. Keep it short and to the point: “I had to rush off, but the party was amazing. Thanks for having me.” “That way, when the host or hostess gets back to normal after cleaning up and unwinding, they’ll see this nice message about how much you enjoyed yourself,” she says. “They probably didn’t even notice you left without saying goodbye.”

However, there’s an important exception: these exits don’t work in every scenario. You can only get away with it if you’re in a large crowd—not one of eight people at a dinner party. “If it’s a small group and you slip out the door, everyone will notice,” Frieman says. “Context matters.” In those cases, just remember that four magic words are all you need, and you’ll be on your way.

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