You likely send dozens of text messages each week—but do any of them actually strengthen your friendships?

For a lot of people, the answer is no.

“We’re always receiving and sharing information, and communicating somehow, but that doesn’t automatically mean the connection is high-quality—or that there’s intention behind it,” says Miriam Kirmayer, a Montreal clinical psychologist who studies adult friendships. “When you ask someone if they’ve purposefully, intentionally, and thoughtfully reached out to a friend via text, they often say, ‘Wait, no, I haven’t. I’ve texted about setting up a playdate for my kid or messaged my spouse about tonight’s dinner.’ But people don’t usually make time to check in with friends that intentionally.”

Texting one friend a week is an achievable way to boost your well-being. Here’s what to know.

Why you should do it

People frequently undervalue “micro-moments” of connection—like a quick hello to a coworker or a smile at a stranger. These tiny interactions “can work wonders for boosting our overall social connectedness and easing loneliness,” Kirmayer notes. “When we’re craving social connection, it doesn’t take much to feel a bit closer and satisfy that need.”

Research has found that social connection , including . Even can boost overall happiness.

Also, Kirmayer sees this practice as a way to build your social skills. It helps you get more comfortable with initiation (being the first to reach out), finding ways to stay in touch long-term, handling conflict, learning to be vulnerable, and asking for what you need. Every time you text a friend, you’re honing the complex art of being a good friend.

What to say

When Kirmayer gives keynote talks about friendship at workplaces or community events, she challenges attendees to pull out their phones and text a friend right then—so they can’t say they’ll do it later and never follow through. Someone always asks how to phrase the message. “The freeing tip I give is that it doesn’t really matter that much,” she says. “What usually stops us from sending the text is getting stuck in a perfectionist mindset: ‘This has to be the right message—witty, super interesting, or deeply personal so they’ll definitely respond.’” When you overthink a message again and again, it becomes so overwhelming that people often give up entirely, she adds.

That said, Kirmayer has a few go-to tips for anyone who wants guidance. Adding personal details to your message is a good move, she says. Instead of “Hi, I’m thinking of you,” give a reason. For example: “Hi, you popped into my head because I read something by that author you loved,” or “I just remembered our great coffee chat a few months ago—and I wanted to say I’m grateful for you.” 

“The more you can link it to something specific about them, the more it shows genuineness and authenticity—something people really respond to,” she says. “It also makes people feel seen and valued, which can be a strong trigger for connection.”

Also ask yourself why you’re reaching out to that friend specifically. Do you want to meet up? Would you like to schedule a phone call for a more meaningful chat? “When you’re clear on not just who you’re texting, but why, that can shape your message,” Kirmayer says. Try examples like: “I’m thinking of you—want to plan a lunch in the next few weeks?” or “I’d love to hear how your project’s going. Do you have time for a phone call one evening this week?”

Put a spin on it

If you enjoy texting one friend a week, make it a regular habit. You can push yourself further by messaging a different person each time. “For some, it’s worth asking: ‘OK, do I need to try something new? What’s the next step in improving my social skills or well-being?’” Kirmayer says. If you want to —and sharpen your ability to connect with multiple people—add different folks to your rotation.

For others, though, texting the same person weekly might feel more intimidating than reaching out to a mix of friends. After all, it means asking: “What else will I say? How do I make this connection deeper?”

“It’s all about checking in with yourself and being honest about what you need from the connection, your intentions, and which area of your social skills you want to improve,” Kirmayer says.