(SeaPRwire) –   When your best friend, partner, or child reacts sharply, it’s easy to label them as difficult. Anna Elton, a marriage and family therapist based in Palm Beach, Florida, encourages you to consider an alternative perspective. “Anger is just the tip of the iceberg,” she explains. “It’s a secondary emotion. Underneath, there may be sadness, disappointment, or stress.” This is where empathy comes into play. By tapping into it, you can look beyond the surface and uncover what’s truly happening beneath, according to Elton.

Your level of empathy determines whether you feel closer to someone after a challenging conversation or whether you end up on opposite sides—or, as Elton puts it, whether you’re on the same team versus being on a “you versus me” footing. With consistent practice, empathy transforms how you engage in every relationship. It’s something you can improve over time, and it will serve you well by helping you resolve arguments more quickly or even prevent them altogether.

Here are five simple ways to strengthen your empathy before or after your next disagreement.

Pretend you’re explaining things to a child

Imagine you’re walking a child through a disagreement. HJ Cho, a clinical social worker in Bridgewater, New Jersey, suggests doing this by clearly outlining what happened. Avoid using emotionally charged language, lengthy explanations, or words that paint the other person in a negative light. Instead, focus on describing the situation honestly—including your own feelings and thoughts.

“We’re not projecting; we’re not exaggerating,” Cho says. “We’re sharing the facts so everyone can understand.” This exercise works because simplifying the situation forces clarity and reveals a more neutral version of events—one that leaves room for other perspectives, Cho adds.

Write from your partner’s point of view

Choose a recent interaction that didn’t go well. First, write a paragraph about it from your perspective. Then, rewrite the same situation from the other person’s viewpoint—using “I” statements as if you were them.

For example, you might write: “My partner seems distracted and doesn’t care about what I share when I talk about my day.” Next, reflect on what they might have been experiencing. Your second paragraph could read: “I had a stressful day and felt mentally exhausted. I don’t have the energy to fully engage right now, but I really do care.”

“This helps you step into their shoes so you’re not simply reacting,” says Eden Garcia-Balis, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. The goal isn’t to convince yourself they were right. Instead, it’s to recognize that multiple truths can coexist. “More than one explanation can be true at the same time,” she says. “You can feel dismissed while they feel stressed—and when you approach the situation with empathy, you can work together to find a solution.”

Speak to yourself like a supportive friend

Before you can offer empathy to others, you must first extend it to yourself. That’s advice Cho often gives her clients. “The empathy we show others stems from the empathy we hold for ourselves,” she explains. “It’s essential to treat yourself with kindness, or else we struggle to do the same for others.”

When you’re feeling tense before or after a difficult conversation, take 60 seconds to speak to yourself as you would to your closest friend in the same situation. Don’t say things like “calm down” or “you’re overreacting.” Instead, offer genuine validation: “That was tough to hear. Of course you’re upset. It makes complete sense given what happened.”

The aim isn’t to prove you’re right—it’s to calm your emotions enough to be fully present with the other person. “When you’re regulated, everything functions properly,” Cho notes. “That allows you to be your best self.”

Shift your perspective for 90 seconds

Even during an ongoing argument, you can try this technique. Set a timer for 90 seconds and answer three questions as if you were the other person, advises Elton:

• “What am I feeling right now?”

• “What am I worried about or trying to protect?”

• “What do I wish the other person understood about me?”

Once the timer ends, return to your own perspective and ask: “What did I overlook?”

This approach helps you regain control over your emotions—the first step toward building empathy. “Often, we’re overwhelmed by feelings and want to defend ourselves or prove we’re right,” says Garcia-Balis. “This method lets you pause, calm down, and reflect: ‘What else could possibly be true here?’”

Find one thing you both share

During a heated disagreement, the person across from you may start to feel like a stranger. According to Patty Van Cappellen, a social psychologist at Duke University, this is why empathy becomes harder to access mid-fight. “Conflict often makes people feel farther apart,” she says. “Like, ‘I don’t recognize this person anymore.’”

The solution lies in what she calls psychological closeness. “Focus on elements in your relationship that bring you together,” she recommends. Before or during a tough conversation, remind yourself of something you share—like a hardship you faced together, an inside joke, or a chaotic trip where everything went wrong yet turned out to be fun. Then continue the discussion.

In the end, empathy allows you to stop reacting defensively and begin truly listening. “When you recognize your partner’s emotions,” Elton says, “it fosters connection and makes them feel seen and understood.”